


Twisted Head of the Snake

by mulderette



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 07:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8047633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mulderette/pseuds/mulderette
Summary: A different take on the episode Head of the Snake. Lots of spoilers for that episode.





	1. Chapter 1

"Thank you. I was actually feeling a little dehydrated."

Nate grinned at Callen who smirked back at him. "Very impressive, Callen. I'd like to play these games with you all day long, but unfortunately, we don't have time for that. So…" Nate walked over to the far corner of the room and picked up a black case off the floor, returning with it a few moments later. "Let's see if we can speed things along a bit, shall we?"

Callen watched warily as Nate opened the case. His eyes widened slightly as Nate pulled out a syringe, filled with an amber-colored liquid. He could feel his heartbeat begin to speed up and he tried, unsuccessfully, to slow it back down.

"I know you don't like needles, Callen," Nate said as he slowly approached. "And I'm sorry about that, but it's only going to hurt for an instant. Then we'll just wait for the fun to develop."

"What is that, Nate?" Callen asked, his voice cracking slightly as he was unable to hold back the question or the nervousness he was feeling. He unconsciously tried to move away, his body pushing against the back of the chair. He didn't like needles or drugs, especially unknown drugs. It reminded him of Spiral. That had been a very bad experience.

"Don't worry, Callen," Nate replied as he pulled up the sleeve of Callen's shirt. "It's not going to kill you or even make you sick. It's just something to heighten your fear and emotional responses. It's very beneficial to have friends working in drug research. Gives me access to all kinds of interesting little treats. I doubt you'll be feeling quite so smug after this." Callen tried to move his arm away but Nate was able to easily hold him in place and quickly injected the contents of the syringe. "There, that wasn't so bad, was it? Now we're going to leave you alone for a bit to wait for the drug to kick in and then we'll be back. I'm betting you won't be so high and mighty then."

Callen watched as Nate and his companions left the room and then set to work trying to loosen the tape binding him to the chair. It was much too tight though and he finally realized further struggles were useless. 'Damn it,' he thought to himself. Where the hell was Sam? He needed to get out of here. As he sat there, he wondered if Nate's claims about the drug were true or if he was just messing with his mind. He tried not to think about the drug, but he could feel his apprehension beginning to increase in spite of himself. A spider crawling along the floor caught his attention and he found himself staring at it, his rate of breathing rising as he watched. He needed to get himself together. He had never been afraid of bugs. He certainly wasn't afraid of this harmless spider. He was so focused on the spider that he never even heard Nate come back into the room and he flinched, startled when he heard his voice.

"You scared of me, Callen?" Nate asked, smiling maliciously. "Never thought I'd see the day when Hetty's prized asset, the unflappable G. Callen would be afraid of me. It's too bad this drug only lasts a couple of days. Imagine if it was permanent? I'd say your days as a secret agent man would be pretty much over. You'd have to pursue a career as a cat sitter or maybe a kindergarten teacher, but kids nowadays are pretty scary so that probably wouldn't be good either."

"Shut up, Nate," Callen retorted, but his voice lacked his usual bravado. It was very obvious that the drug was working.

"Or what?" Nate chuckled. He was finding Callen's predicament to be quite amusing. He turned his attention to the folder he was carrying and opened it up pulling out some papers. "Let's see what we have here." He scanned the papers and smiled widely. "Your file is fascinating, Callen. 37 foster families and not one of them ever wanted to make a more permanent arrangement. Were you really so unlovable as a child? It's easy to see why your father left you in the foster care system after your mother was murdered."

Callen tried to block out Nate's words, trying with all his inner strength to fight against the drug and its effects. "You're boring me."

Nate nodded, pretending to be sympathetic. "I guess I can understand that. A lot of those homes probably were pretty dull, but not all of them. Let's take the Carters, for example. Things weren't exactly boring there now were they?"

Callen looked at Nate sharply for an instant, but then focused his attention on his shoes instead. 'Block him out, block him out, block him out,' he told himself.

"Not exactly the all-American apple pie family…but you probably weren't exactly a halo-wearing angel either…"

"I was five years old," Callen snapped, glaring at Nate.

"Must have hurt pretty badly when Mr. Carter tossed you down the stairs," Nate commented. "Busted ribs and a busted leg, right?"

"I'm not talking about this," Callen said, growing increasingly tense. The Carters had been his first bad foster family experience. He'd mostly been ignored there, but that day, Mr. Carter had been drinking and Callen had been whining a little too loudly. He'd never stood a chance. One minute he had been sitting on the floor in his bedroom, the next minute he had been tossed down the stairs like a sack of potatoes, landing at the bottom with broken bones and any remnants of innocence lost. It had been the first time he'd been hurt at a foster home, but definitely not the last.

"That's fine, Callen. We don't need to talk about them." Nate smiled in satisfaction. He was playing with Callen's mind without physically hurting him at all. He wondered how far he would be able to push him. "How about Mrs. Easton?" Nate asked. He reached down and picked up a bottle from the floor. "How old were you, Callen, about six?" The tone of his voice was soothing as if he was talking to a small child. "You accidentally broke one of her china plates, didn't you?" He took the bottle and smashed it on the floor, pieces scattering everywhere.

Callen's body jerked, the fear apparent on his face as he reverted back to that frightened little boy. Mrs. Easton had been practically maniacal when he broke that plate.

"She wasn't very happy with you, was she?" Nate asked as he bent down and picked up a piece of broken glass. "She had no patience for clumsiness…you really should have been more careful."

The memory was all too real now. Callen could remember every detail of that day. He had been petrified, frozen as the woman approached him. She had been screaming and swearing as she came at him with a large shard of glass. She had sliced up his arm violently as he cried that he was sorry and begged her to stop. It had hurt so badly and there had been blood everywhere. Luckily, the cuts had been superficial and her husband had arrived home and taken Callen to the ER. He had never gone back to that home. Hopefully, that had been the end of the Eastons taking in foster children.

Nate traced the piece of glass lightly up and down over Callen's arm, laughing softly as the color drained out of his face. "You weren't a very good boy, Callen. It's no wonder nobody wanted you."

Callen closed his eyes as he tried to gain control of his feelings. He knew it was the drug and it was irrational to be reacting like this, but realizing it wasn't helping at all. He couldn't seem to control his fear or the emotions that Nate was expertly stirring up.

"Remember the Bensons?" Nate changed the subject abruptly as Callen opened his eyes and looked at the other man uneasily. He could feel his stomach beginning to churn.

Nate nodded. "I can see by your face that you do."

He hadn't thought about them in a very long time. It was something he had buried. He didn't want to think about it, but now the memories were intensifying in spite of how hard he was fighting against them.

"Pete… Pete was your foster brother's name, wasn't it?" Nate asked, his tone almost melodic as he spoke. He was obviously enjoying himself.

"Just stop, Nate…please." Callen could feel his stress level elevating and he began struggling futilely against his bindings once again.

"I'll stop, Callen. Just tell me about the PD-X."

Callen shook his head.

"Not very cooperative. Didn't your childhood teach you anything? You shouldn't have gone in that pool, Callen. That must have been very, very scary for you…" Nate picked up the water container once again and nodded at the other man who approached Callen with the cloth.

"Come on, Nate…what are you doing?" Callen looked at him pleadingly, but Nate remained resolute and Callen was filled with dread as the cloth was once again tightly wrapped around his face and the water torture began again.

This time it was much worse as the drug intensified Callen's feelings of panic. The water filled his nose and throat and he was brought back in time to his near drowning. He couldn't breathe and was just as terrified as he had been as a young boy. The cloth was lifted off his face and he was allowed to take four gasping breaths before it all began again. The sequence was repeated several more times before finally, mercifully, rescuers stormed the room.

xxxxx

Sam led the charge and immediately turned his gun towards Nate. "It's over."

Nate shook his head in disgust. He threw the water container down as his companions were quickly surrounded and cuffed.

Deeks rushed to Callen's side and removed the cloth from his face as Kensi cut the tape binding Callen's wrists to the chair. Callen began to choke as he expelled water from his nose and mouth. He took loud, gasping breaths as he fought the very strong urge to vomit. "How you doing, Callen?" Deeks asked. Callen didn't answer him, still focused on getting his breathing and emotions under control. Deeks and Kensi exchanged worried glances.

"Deeks?" Sam asked.

He seems kind of shocky, Sam," Deeks replied. One of the other agents handed him a blanket which he draped over Callen who was now shivering. "He definitely needs to be checked out."

Sam glanced at his partner, expecting him to protest, but Callen remained silent, looking totally unaware of his surroundings. "What the hell did you do to him, Nate?" Sam angrily grabbed the collar of Nate's shirt and pulled him threateningly.

"I didn't touch a hair on his head," Nate said with a chuckle, unperturbed by Sam's action. "I really don't know what you're so upset about."

"Really?" Sam asked, looking at Nate in disbelief. "You call this nothing?"

"Come on, Sam," Nate's voice was syrupy sweet as he spoke. "You, of all people, know what you have to do when you're deep undercover. Hell, how many times have you beat up Callen when you're on assignment? He's always been fine, no big deal. He should be used to it by now. I didn't hurt him, just drugged him up a little bit. He'll be okay in a couple days. Of course, it's all for nothing now. You guys screwed this whole operation up."

Sam shook his head incredulously. "You drugged him? This goes way beyond anything I've ever done to him. And you screwed this up yourself. You could have contacted us somehow. You could have figured out something other than drugging and waterboarding him. What the hell, Nate."

"You're being a hypocrite. You can't tell me there wasn't at least a little part of you that liked beating up on him, wiping that smirk off his face," Nate said, smiling slyly.

"I have never wanted to hurt him, Nate and if you got some kind of sick thrill out of this, then I feel really sorry for you."

"Don't waste your sympathy on me, Sam. I'm fine…I'm just fine. And he will be too. It was all just part of the assignment. Nothing personal." Nate smiled again as he was pulled aside by one of the agents. "I'm sure we'll all meet again," he called out over his shoulder as he was escorted from the room.

Angrily, Sam made a move to chase after Nate but was stopped by Granger who grabbed Sam's shoulder. "Agent Hanna, take care of your partner."

Sam hesitated momentarily. He desperately wanted to get a piece of Nate in retaliation for what he had done. Then his eyes went toward Callen who was still sitting slumped in the chair, looking dejected. Deeks was squatting beside him, speaking quietly as Kensi stood in the background, watching, but Callen didn't seem to be responding at all. Sam headed over to them as Deeks stood up and shook his head, indicating things weren't going well.

"Hey G," Sam lightly rested his hand on Callen's shoulder and squeezed it gently. "Why don't we get you out of here, okay?"

Callen raised his head slightly and looked up at Sam with dazed eyes, then nodded. His whole body felt weak and shaky and he allowed Sam to help him to his feet.

"It's gonna be okay," Sam said softly, gratified that he seemed to be getting through to his partner.

He put his arm around Callen to support him as they headed out of the room and Deeks and Kensi followed slowly behind.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam brought Callen to the ER to get him checked out. Blood tests were taken and the doctor had advised Callen remain overnight for observation, but the agent had adamantly refused. "I'm not staying here." He didn't let on how out of control his emotions were. Every time a doctor or nurse approached him, he felt like he was crawling out of his skin. He needed to get out of there. He just didn't feel normal or safe.

Sam relented and did as Callen wished, mostly because he knew Callen would perform a disappearing act if he didn't. "I want to go back to the office," Callen stated, watching as Sam put on his seatbelt.

Sam sighed and looked at his partner. "Why G?" he asked quietly. "You need to get some rest. Let me take you home or better yet, let's go to my house."

Callen shook his head stubbornly. "No, Sam. You just need to drop me off. If it's a problem, I can take a taxi."

"It's not a problem." Sam started up the car and pulled the Challenger out of the parking space. The two men didn't speak for the first few minutes of the drive. Finally, Sam broke the silence. "You feel like getting something to eat?" he asked. "We're going to go right by In-N-Out. I think a double-double is calling your name."

"No thanks." Callen was too caught up with the images in his mind. He couldn't even begin to think about eating.

"Come on, G, you need to eat."

"I said no," Callen snapped, but immediately regretted it. Sam was only looking out for him. "I'm sorry, Sam…I didn't mean to snap. I'm just not hungry. You can get something if you want."

"No. I'm good." Sam wasn't about to go to In-N-Out if his partner didn't want anything so instead he drove straight to OSP. Once they arrived, Callen headed straight for his desk and turned on his laptop, then proceeded to stare blankly at the screen. Truthfully, he was drained and was just hoping that Sam would tire of watching over him and head home to his family.

Sam began working on some overdue paperwork while keeping a close eye on Callen. He was pretty sure his partner wasn't working and was puzzled by his insistence on returning to the office. After finishing up, he stood up and stretched. "I'm going to the gym to work out for a bit. Let me know when you're ready to head home."

Callen nodded and his eyes followed Sam as he left the bullpen. He breathed a sigh of relief when the other man was finally out of his sightline. He knew Sam was concerned about him, but he really wished his partner would just go home. Sighing deeply, he got to his feet and walked over to the sofa. His whole body felt heavy with exhaustion as he sank down onto the soft leather. In only a few minutes he was sleeping soundly.

xxxxx

Callen desperately struggled against the hands holding his head beneath the frigid water.

He knew he couldn't hold his breath for much longer and then all would be lost. He tried to use his body as a weapon against his assailant but suddenly another pair of hands joined the battle and he knew this was a fight he would not win. No longer able to hold his breath, he exhaled and then was forced to inhale. He breathed the water into his lungs and he could feel himself start to suffocate…

Callen gasped, his heart beating wildly as he awoke from the vivid nightmare. It took him a few moments to orient himself and realize he was back at OSP. Glancing around, he was grateful that no one was nearby. Sam was either still working out or maybe he had finally given up and headed home for the night. He felt the familiar sofa beneath him which gave him some modicum of comfort as he tried to get his emotions and breathing under control. Suddenly, he realized that he was freezing. He reached for the throw at the top of the sofa and pulled it down. Wrapping it tightly around his body, he tried to warm himself and stop the violent shivers that were accosting him.

xxxxx

Sam stood across the room, silently watching Callen. He had been doing so for the last few minutes and was uncertain how to approach the situation, what the best way was to help his partner. "I don't know what to do for him," Sam admitted softly, his eyes still on Callen even as Hetty sidled up next to him. Sam hadn't even known she was in the building, but it didn't surprise him either. Callen was huddled under the blanket on the sofa looking very vulnerable. It wasn't a look that Sam ever associated with Callen. He'd gone through a lot in his life and in spite of everything was as tough and strong-minded as anyone Sam had ever met.

"He's been hurt badly, Mr. Hanna," Hetty stated sadly, "by someone he trusted. Even if he understands in his head why Nate did what he did...the heart is an entirely different matter. So many people have let him down in his life...and now another one does. Not an easy thing to get past."

"I don't understand how Nate did what he did to him. He went too far. I would never hurt him like that," Sam vowed fervently, his brown eyes filled with emotion. "I'll never do anything to lose his trust."

"Of course you won't, Sam," Hetty smiled up at the man. "He knows that too. He trusts you more than anyone. Here, bring him this." She offered Sam a cup of tea which he accepted. "It's a very special blend. It should help to soothe him and maybe, with any luck, he will be able to get some sleep."

"Are you leaving?" Sam asked.

Hetty nodded. "Yes, I will leave Mr. Callen in your capable hands." She knew that of anyone, Sam had the best chance to succeed in helping his partner get through what had happened. "I'll see him tomorrow."

"Okay, good night, Hetty," Sam said as he started walking in the direction of his partner.

"Good night, Sam," Hetty said and then whispered. "Good night, Mr. Callen…god speed."

xxxxx

Sam made his way over to his partner's side and found him to be awake with an undecipherable look in his eyes. "Hey G," Sam said softly. "Hetty wants you to drink this."

Callen got into a sitting position and he took the tea from Sam. "Do I want to know what's in this?" he asked. "Will I be unconscious for the next 72 hours?"

Sam shook his head. He knew Callen was joking but he wasn't really in the mood for black humor after all that had happened. "You know she wouldn't do that to you."

"Well… I didn't think Nate would do what he did either, but I guess you really never know about people…"

Sam found himself tongue-tied, unable to dispute what Callen had said.

"Is Hetty still here?" Callen took a sip of the steaming liquid and had to admit it tasted good. He sighed softly and sipped some more.

Sam shook his head. "She was heading home for the night."

"Guess she decided to stick you with me," Callen said darkly.

"What?" Sam asked. "That's not true. I want to be here, G. Hetty didn't stick me with anything. You know better." Then he remembered the drug. "This is the drug making you feel this way. Hopefully, it will start to wear off tomorrow and you'll start to feel better." Eric and Nell had investigated the drug and had spoken to Nate's "supplier." He had informed them that the drug's effects would start to diminish substantially within 24 hours and would be totally out of Callen's system by 48 hours. Nate was a real cold bastard to have drugged Callen with this stuff knowing his history. Sam never thought he would have been capable of such a thing.

"Nate said no one ever wanted me, Sam. He was right about that. That wasn't the drug. 37 foster families and no one wanted to adopt me…"

"He said that?" If Nate was here right now, Sam would have punched him into oblivion… "He was messing with you, G… trying to get a reaction. He just wanted you to feel bad. He wanted to break you. What happened to you as a child was wrong. None of it was your fault. You just drew a really lousy hand."

Callen said nothing. He just continued to drink his tea as gloomy thoughts swirled around in his head.

Sam sighed softly. He hated seeing his partner like this. It was painful to watch and Callen definitely didn't deserve it. "Alright, G…what do you say to getting out of this place? It's late and I am ready to put this day behind me."

Callen shook his head. "I'm fine, Sam. Think I'm going to just bunk down here tonight." Truth be told, he was still feeling shaky and didn't relish the thought of going home to an empty house. At least the night crew would still be around so he wouldn't feel so alone. "You should get home to your family."

"You're my family too, G. Come on, you're staying at my house, tonight."

"Sam…"

"Or am I going to have to explain to Michelle why I'm spending the night here?"

"I don't need a babysitter, Sam…"

"I'm not babysitting you…I just… Come on, humor me, G. I would just feel better if you weren't on your own tonight. It's just one night…" 'Or maybe two,' he added mentally. "It won't kill you. I'm not leaving you here alone."

Callen hesitated as he considered Sam's request.

"Come on." Sam patted Callen's back. "Finish that and let's get out of here."

Callen slowly sipped the remainder of the tea and put the cup down. "Okay, Sam. I'm ready. Let's go."

Sam smiled, relieved that Callen was going to leave with him. He decided to push his luck a little further. "I don't suppose you'd reconsider grabbing a bite?"

Callen met his partner's expectant look and couldn't help thinking how lucky he was to have Sam in his life. Besides Hetty and the team, he was the only one who really cared whether Callen lived or died. "Alright Sam, but I may have to skip the double-double tonight and just go with a regular cheeseburger." He still wasn't all that hungry, but he would do this for Sam.

Sam couldn't have been happier that Callen was agreeing to eat something. "Whatever you want."

The two men set off to In-N-Out and Callen ate about three-quarters of a burger which was more than Sam had hoped for. They then headed to Sam's house. By the time they were walking up the front walkway, Callen was pretty much asleep on his feet. They entered the living room and Sam sat his partner down on the sofa and went to retrieve some pillows and blankets. By the time he returned, Callen had removed his shoes, stretched out and was already fast asleep. Sam managed to get a pillow under his partner's head without waking him and draped a couple of blankets over his prone body. "Sleep well, buddy," Sam whispered, hoping that Callen would sleep well without nightmares. He wasn't really expecting it though.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam poked his head into the living room and was gratified to see that Callen looked to be peacefully asleep. He headed into the kitchen and had just poured a cup of coffee when his cell phone buzzed and Hetty's name came up over the caller ID.

"Good morning, Mr. Hanna," Hetty's voice echoed cheerfully over Sam's phone. "How are things going this morning?"

Sam shrugged before realizing she couldn't see him. "Everything is okay right now," he replied, careful to keep his voice down. "G is sleeping."

"Good, good," Hetty said approvingly. "Best thing for him. Was he able to sleep through the night?"

"Some nightmares," Sam answered evasively. He was unsure how much information he should be divulging to their diminutive boss. He didn't want to betray his partner.

"Well that's certainly not unusual," Hetty said. "We'll just have to see how he does. Are you planning on coming in today?"

"Um…I don't know," Sam replied. "I guess so."

Hetty heard the uncertainty in Sam's voice. "See how things go, Mr. Hanna and proceed accordingly. I have no problem with you spending the day with Mr. Callen if you feel he needs you."

"What if G wants to come in to work?" Sam asked. He knew he didn't want to be the one to tell his partner he wasn't cleared for duty if that was Hetty's decision. He also didn't think Callen would be open to talking with a professional any time soon after what had transpired with Nate. He couldn't say he blamed him. It wouldn't be easy to trust anyone after what had happened.

"Don't try to stop him, Sam. He can come in if he wants and then I will be able to evaluate him first hand."

"Okay, Hetty. I'll either touch base or see you later."

"Take care, Mr. Hanna."

No sooner had Sam clicked off his phone when he heard Callen's distressed voice in the living room. "No, don't. Let me go. Can't breathe." Sam rushed into the living room to find his partner gasping as he twisted and turned in the throes of yet another nightmare.

"G!" Sam bent down and grasped his partner by his shoulders. "Come on, G. Wake up."

"Let me go." Sam's action only seemed to cause Callen to struggle harder.

Sam tried to keep his voice calm and even as he spoke. "G…You're dreaming. Come on, buddy. Everything's okay."

Finally, Callen opened his eyes and he stared up at Sam in confusion. "Sam?"

"You good, G?" Sam asked, looking down at him with concern. He let go of Callen and watched as his partner slowly sat up and moved his legs off the sofa so that his feet rested on the floor. Sam took that as an invitation and sat down beside him.

"You good?" Sam repeated when Callen remained silent.

"I really don't know," Callen admitted. He bent down, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together as he stared down at the floor.

"You want to talk about it?" Sam asked gently.

"It's just more variations of the same thing," Callen said. "Under water, can't breathe, can't escape, blah, blah, blah." He shook his head, disgusted with himself. "God… you must think I'm pathetic. "

"You know better than that. I do NOT think you're pathetic. I would never think that. You've gone through a traumatic experience. What you're feeling is entirely normal."

Callen sighed. "It's not normal for me."

Sam chuckled. "It's not normal for you to be human? You can't always be Superman, G."

"I don't think I'm Superman, Sam," Callen protested halfheartedly. "I just…I don't like feeling like this."

"I know you don't…hopefully it won't be for much longer." Sam didn't think all of this would be miraculously erased once the drug was out of Callen's system, but with any luck, he'd be feeling a lot better.

The two men lapsed into silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Sam, once again, wondering how he could help his friend and Callen only wanting to get back to normal and forget everything that had happened since the previous day.

xxxxx

"I'm not afraid of water, you know…" Callen stated after a short time, his voice very soft as he spoke.

"Wouldn't matter if you were, G. Lots of people are." In all honesty though, Sam had never seen any signs of Callen having fear of the water. Hell, he'd been practically giddy when they had been trapped in the submarine and forced to escape by swimming to the ocean's surface. Sam watched his partner closely, patiently waiting to see if he was going to open up.

"I know, but… that's not it…" Callen shuddered involuntarily. He kept thinking about his nose and mouth filling up with water instead of air and he was unable to shake the memories of when he had almost drowned as a child. Nate's actions had brought him back in time… back to a memory he had buried way down deep, something he hadn't thought about in years, something he had almost completely forgotten about. Now he could recall it all, as sharp and as clear as if it had only happened yesterday. "It's the worst feeling, Sam… being helpless like that. There's nothing you can do…no way to escape…"

Sam's eyes were filled with sympathy as he reached out and squeezed Callen's shoulder supportively. Callen managed a slight smile in acknowledgement of his partner's gesture.

"I was seven or eight years old," Callen was so immersed in the memories, he hardly noticed that he was relaying his story out loud. "Lived with the Bensons. They had a son, Pete and then they took in foster kids…I guess it was to supplement their income. It definitely wasn't out of any desire to nurture children." Callen sighed heavily before continuing. "Anyhow, it was during summer vacation. I was the only kid there at the time. Pete was 14 and was forced to babysit me. Let's just say he was less than enthused. They had a pool, but I wasn't allowed to use it, even when the parents were home. Pete used to gloat about it saying that fosters weren't good enough to use their pool, that we'd contaminate it…"

It wasn't the first time Sam was upset when learning nuggets of Callen's past. He knew it was good for Callen to talk about these things on the rare occasions that he chose to open up. Sam just hated the fact that Callen's early years had been so miserable. He wished his partner had been lucky enough to have a loving family and the kind of childhood every child deserved.

"It was a really hot day. Pete was off who knows where. He wasn't exactly the world's best babysitter. I pretty much fended for myself. Lots of messy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches." He hadn't been allowed to have any of the deli meats in the refrigerator. The family rules had been very specific about what he could and could not eat. No chips, no cookies, no ice cream… "Anyhow, it was just so hot that day…The pool was so tempting…" He vividly recalled how badly he had wanted to submerge himself in the coolness of the water. It had looked like paradise to him. " I figured no one would know if I went in there, just for a few minutes…"

Sam could feel his heartbeat quicken as he waited for Callen to continue, knowing this story would not be a happy one.

"I never even heard him, Sam." Callen's voice cracked slightly and his rate of breathing increased as he remembered. "Next thing I knew Pete had grabbed me and pulled me underneath the water. I tried to get away from him but he was so much bigger than I was. He pinned my arms to my sides, held me down…I never really had a chance."

"What the hell," Sam muttered. Sometimes he wondered how G had ever gotten through his childhood. It was no wonder he had a hard time trusting people. He'd been betrayed so many times in his life.

"I couldn't get away and I couldn't hold my breath anymore. I just started taking in water. It was horrible. I was terrified. I really thought I was going to die. Finally, I just blacked out. That's what yesterday felt like…I just…I panicked. I couldn't help it…it felt the same…taking in water…no escape…" His body was shaking now, his mind totally overwhelmed with his memories of the past.

Not knowing what else to do, Sam pulled his partner into a hug, feeling Callen trembling in his arms. "You're okay, G…you're safe now. Pete can't hurt you anymore…" Finally, the tremors decreased and Callen appeared to be calmer. Sam released him from his grasp and quietly spoke "You okay?"

"Yeah…yeah, I'm okay," said Callen, nodding slowly.

"So… what happened…who saved you back then?" Sam was pretty sure it hadn't been Pete. The kid sounded like a real piece of work. He wondered if he was in prison now. It seemed like a safe bet that he was.

Callen took a deep breath and then resumed his story. "I guess Pete got scared when I was lying unconscious in the pool. Apparently, he screamed for help. The next door neighbor came over and managed to resuscitate me. Paramedics came…it was a whole big scene. It was probably the most exciting thing to happen in our neighborhood that whole summer."

"I'm guessing you never told anyone what really happened." It was a statement, not a question. Sam was almost a hundred percent certain that Callen had never reported any of the brutality he had suffered.

Callen shook his head. "Pete told me if I breathed a word to anyone, I wouldn't wake up next time."

"Nice kid," Sam said, clearly disgusted by the whole situation. "Did his parents at least feel bad about what happened?"

"The neighbor's wife, Mrs. Granderson, she brought me some homemade chocolate chip cookies. They were really good," Callen answered, evading the question about Pete's parents. He remembered he had actually gotten to keep the cookies, which had been a big treat for him. No one had witnessed her give them to him. Overall, it had been a pretty nice neighborhood. It would have been great if he had lived with the Grandersons rather than the Bensons.

"His parents, G…" Sam asked again, in spite of the fact that he knew he wouldn't like the answer to the question.

Callen smirked halfheartedly. "Well, as you can imagine they weren't very happy. They didn't like being the talk of the neighborhood. They definitely didn't like that I had gone against their rules and went in the pool. I got a beating that night I didn't forget for a long time…"

"I don't know how people like that ever get to become foster parents," Sam commented sadly, shuddering inwardly. "I'm sorry G…"

"Its okay, Sam," Callen said, meeting his partner's eyes. "It was a long time ago. What happened yesterday just brought it back unexpectedly."

Sam shook his head. "It wouldn't have been brought back to you if I'd figured out a way to have your back…or if they had taken me instead..."

It finally dawned on Callen that Sam wasn't just feeling ordinary concern over Callen's childhood and what he had gone through the previous day. He was feeling guilty about it. "Sam…" Callen began, "Please don't tell me you're blaming yourself for this. It wasn't your fault. There wasn't anything you could have done. Nate wanted me."

"Even so, G…"

"No, Sam," Callen interrupted adamantly. "If he had decided to take you, I couldn't have stopped it either. It was out of our control. Please don't blame yourself. Anyhow, you and Deeks…you've both paid more than your fair share of dues…It was just my turn…" he ended with a shrug.

"What?" Sam's eyes narrowed as Callen's words sank in. "Your turn? What are you talking about? We don't take turns G…"

"I know that, Sam," Callen said with a sigh. "I'm just saying that I would never have wanted you to go through that kind of thing again. If it had to be one of us, I'm glad it was me. I deserved it." The last three words were only a whisper but Sam heard them clear as a bell.

"You did not deserve it, G…you've never deserved any of the things that have happened to you. None of them. Do you hear me?" he asked, his voice rising with every word.

"Yeah, I hear you, Sam," Callen said with a smirk. "I think everyone in your neighborhood did."

"Good," Sam said with a smile. "But I don't care about everyone else, just as long as you heard me."

Callen nodded. "I did. I heard you, Sam…loud and clear."


	4. Chapter 4

Sam got up from the sofa and turned to Callen. 'You want some coffee?"

Callen shook his head. "Thanks. I'll just wait until we get into the office."

"Okay…I wasn't sure if..." Sam hesitated. So…you feel up to working today?"

Callen became defensive. "Do you think I shouldn't go in today, Sam? Why? Did Hetty say something?"

"Whoa, G…No one said you couldn't go in," Sam's tone was soothing as he tried to placate his quickly riled up partner. "Whatever you want to do is fine."

"I want to go in," Callen stated. "I need to stop by my house though. I don't have any clothes with me…unless I just shower and change when we get to work..."

"We can stop at your house, G. It's not a problem."

"Okay," Callen settled against the back of the sofa, relaxing. "I'm ready whenever you are."

xxxxx

Sam showered and dressed quickly and after kissing his wife and daughter goodbye, he was ready to go. He smiled as the two women in his life hugged his partner and then he and Callen headed out. They stopped at Callen's house briefly and then finally were on their way to work.

"You doing okay?" Sam gave Callen a brief glance as he drove.

"I'm fine, Sam," Callen replied, barely managing not to roll his eyes. He knew Sam had reason to be concerned about him, but the constant queries about his well-being were a little annoying, even if they were given with the best of intentions.

"Why don't we stop for donuts," Sam suggested.

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Really? You want to stop for donuts?"

"Sure, why not?"

"I don't know…maybe because you would rather have a smoothie, fruit or some other healthy breakfast…"

"I just feel like donuts today, G," Sam said with a shrug. "I mean if you have a problem with that…"

"I don't have a problem with it, Sam," Callen said, smirking. "Donuts are fine." He didn't want a replay of the whole In-N-Out drama from the previous night. It was just easier to eat a donut and get on with the day. After a stop at a nearby donut shop, the two men arrived at the Mission. After greeting their co-workers and distributing donuts, they began their work.

xxxxx

Callen was alone in the bullpen when it happened. He was immersed in reading the details of a casefile and wasn't paying attention to his surroundings. He never even knew Nate was there until he heard his voice. "Hey, Callen…"

He immediately began to panic even before he looked up to see Nate standing in front of his desk. He felt an intense wave of fear sweep over him as his heart began to pound and his breathing grew harsh and fast.

"You're not still afraid of me, are you?" Nate smirked. "I never realized I was so scary."

"Get the hell away from him!" The anger and emotions, which had been building in Sam since the previous day, finally reached a boiling point when he spotted Nate in front of Callen. He went at Nate like an enraged bull, tackling him to the floor and proceeding to get in several good punches.

Deeks entered the bullpen only moments after Sam and quickly took in the situation. "Sam, stop!" he yelled as he tried to get Sam off of Nate. Caught up in the momentum, Sam swung at Deeks and connected with his right eye. Deeks gasped in pain and yelled again. "Damn it, Sam stop! Callen needs you!"

Deeks' words broke through Sam's rage and his eyes went immediately to his partner who was in the midst of a full-blown panic attack. He ceased punching Nate and rushed to Callen's side. Sam spoke to him as reassuringly as he could. "G? G… come on buddy, concentrate on your breathing…slow, deep breaths. Everything's going to be okay." He momentarily glanced over at Deeks. "Can you get him out of here?" he whispered, indicating Nate who was lying flat on his back, on the floor, with blood gushing from his nose. He watched as Deeks roughly pulled Nate to his feet and escorted him from the bullpen.

Callen closed his eyes and focused on Sam's voice as he tried to regulate his breathing.

"That's it, G… you're doing great."

After a couple of minutes, Callen's breathing had slowed and he opened his eyes. He immediately felt dizzy and nauseous. He grabbed the edge of his desk, feeling as if he was going to fall.

"G? What is it?" Sam asked with concern as his partner's face blanched.

"Just dizzy," Callen replied.

"You want me to help you over to the sofa?" Sam questioned. "You might be more comfortable lying down."

Callen thought about that for a few moments and then nodded. "Okay."

Sam gently put his arms around his partner and helped him to his feet. "Easy does it," he murmured as they slowly made their way to the sofa and Sam helped Callen to lie down. "You doing okay?"

Callen nodded even though he was still feeling pretty shaky.

At that moment, Deeks came over and handed Sam a bottle of spring water. "I thought maybe he could use this," he said.

"Thanks, Deeks." Sam opened the bottle and brought it to Callen's lips. "Here, G. Drink some water."

Callen took a couple of small sips and then turned away. "That's enough."

"Okay." Sam put the cap back on the bottle and put it aside. He then noticed that Callen was shivering. "You cold?" he asked.

Callen nodded. "Yeah, kinda…"

Sam reached for the throw and covered his partner with it. "Try to get some rest, G. I'll be right here."

Feeling entirely worn out, Callen allowed his eyes to close, trusting that Sam would be there to keep him safe.

xxxxx

A short while after Callen had dropped off to sleep, Kensi arrived back at the bullpen carrying the bags of lunch which she had gone to pick up. Her eyes went immediately to Deeks' face, more specifically, the red, swollen eye on his face. "Oh my God, Deeks, what happened?" she exclaimed as she placed the lunch bags on her desk and went over to him.

"My eye got in the way of Sam's fist," Deeks replied dryly.

"Sam hit you?" she asked, reaching out and lightly touching the swelling beneath his eye.

"Ouch! What the heck are you doing?" Deeks asked, pulling away from her.

"Sorry," Kensi said as she dropped her hand. "You need to put some ice on that."

Deeks nodded wearily but made no move to get up from his chair.

Kensi sighed softly. "I'll go get you some."

"Thanks, Kens," Deeks gave her a grateful smile. A few minutes later, Kensi returned with an ice pack which she gently placed over his eye as he winced. "10 minutes on, 10 minutes off."

"Yeah, I know the drill," Deeks replied as he leaned his head back.

"So why did Sam hit you?" Kensi asked, taking a seat by her partner. She had noticed Sam sitting with Callen who was lying on the sofa. "You didn't do anything to Callen, did you?"

"Really?" Deeks looked at Kensi incredulously. "That's where you go? You think I did something to Callen?"

"I have no idea what happened," Kensi defended, shrugging. "I leave to go get our lunch and when I come back, you have a swollen eye, which you said Sam gave you, and Sam is sitting over there with Callen. I don't know what to think, Deeks."

"Nate."

"Nate was here?" Kensi asked, obviously surprised. "Why? What on earth was he doing here?"

Deeks shrugged. "I have no idea. I just came across Sam throttling him and Callen having a panic attack. I tried to get Sam off of Nate and he socked me."

"Ouch," Kensi gave him a sympathetic look.

"Ouch is right," Deeks nodded. "Sam packs a mean punch. I think he broke Nate's nose."

"That's good," Kensi remarked, thinking that was the least Nate deserved for what he had done to Callen.

The pair looked up as Sam approached them. "I'm sorry about that," Sam said, looking guilty as he saw the damage he had done to Deeks. "I didn't mean for that to happen."

"its okay, Sam," Deeks replied. "You owe me one though."

Sam nodded. "At least one, Deeks."

"Sam, why was Nate even here?" Kensi asked looking up at him.

Sam shook his head. "I don't know. He was over by G's desk and G was pretty freaked by it. I just blew up."

"How's Callen now?" Kensi asked, her eyes filled with sympathy for what their team leader had been going through.

"He's asleep. He's totally wiped out." Sam said, shaking his head. "I hate what this has been doing to him."

"Callen's tough, Sam," Deeks said. "He's going to be fine."

Their conversation was interrupted as Hetty entered the bullpen. "Well, well…I hear there's been quite the ruckus going on," she remarked, her eyes on Sam. "Care to explain, Mr. Hanna?"

"Maybe you can explain to me what Nate was doing here," Sam retorted angrily.

Hetty sighed. "He was here for a debriefing, Sam. He was not supposed to have any contact with Mr. Callen."

Sam scowled in disgust. "A debriefing? Shouldn't he be locked up somewhere, Hetty? What the hell!"

Hetty shook her head. "You know better than that, Sam. Mr. Getz was undercover. No matter how underhanded his tactics may have seemed…"

"May have seemed?" Sam interrupted. "His tactics were deplorable, Hetty. There was no reason for him to do what he did to Callen."

"Nate claims that what he did was necessary to maintain his cover," Hetty said.

"That's bullshit, Hetty."

Hetty continued. "There's really no way to disprove it, and unless Mr. Callen presses charges…"

"You know G isn't going to do that," Sam interrupted again.

"Unless Mr. Callen presses charges…" Hetty repeated, "Nate will serve a six week suspension and then go onto another assignment."

"Are you kidding me?" Sam was appalled by this latest development. "I won't work with him, Hetty. I don't trust him and you sure as hell can't expect Callen to trust him."

"I don't trust him either." Kensi broke into the conversation, wanting to support her teammates.

"Neither do I," Deeks said.

Hetty turned her attention to Deeks. "Mr. Deeks, are you alright?" she asked. "You really need to be quicker about ducking in these situations."

"I'm fine and I didn't have time to duck," Deeks replied, obviously annoyed.

"10 minutes on, 10 minutes off, Mr. Deeks," Hetty instructed.

"Yeah, I know." Deeks rolled his eyes as Kensi stifled a giggle.

"In any case," Hetty turned her attention back to Sam. "I understand why you would be unable to trust or work with Mr. Getz. His upcoming assignment will be long-term and will take him out of the country so you don't need to worry about him.

Sam nodded, at least somewhat appeased by this.

"Well, I'll leave you to…" Hetty's gaze swept from Callen zoned out on the sofa, to Deeks who appeared to be lightly dozing, "whatever you're able to accomplish. Mr. Hanna, I trust you will be keeping an eye on your partner?"

Sam nodded and watched as Hetty headed back to her office. "What do you say we have some lunch?" Sam said, glancing over at the bags sitting on Kensi's desk. Pounding on Nate had worked up his appetite.

xxxxx

Callen slept for two solid hours before he finally started to awaken. He groaned softly as he opened his eyes and began to remember what had happened. "Damn…" he said softly as slowly moved into a sitting position. Still feeling chilled, he kept the throw wrapped around him. He had a dull headache and generally felt like he had been run through the wringer.

Sam saw that his partner was finally awake and walked over to the sofa, pulling up a chair to sit beside him. "Hey G, how are you doing?" He passed him the water bottle from earlier and Callen took it and gratefully took a few sips.

"Thanks… I'm doing alright, I guess…" he stared down at his lap, not meeting Sam's eyes.

"What?" Sam asked, looking puzzled. "What's the matter?"

Callen shook his head. "I can't believe I freaked out like that because of Nate…man…you must really think I'm weak."

"I would never think that. You've been through a lot these past two days."

Callen gave a humorless laugh. "Really, Sam?" he asked with a touch of anger to his voice. "Look me in the eyes right now and tell me you can trust me to watch your back the next time we're in a dangerous situation."

Sam reached both arms out to Callen and grasped his shoulders, looking straight into his eyes. "I will always trust you to have my back, G. I trust you with my life."

Callen could tell that Sam meant what he was saying. "I just…I don't know how I let Nate get into my head that way…"

"It wasn't your fault, G. He drugged you. There was no way to fight that."

"Yeah, I guess," Callen admitted grudgingly.

"In any case, you seem like you're doing a lot better now," Sam observed.

Callen nodded. "Yeah, I'm feeling better…more like myself."

"Good," Sam smiled, pleased that his partner was doing so well. "But G…what happened…It's not just going to disappear. I want you to know that you can talk to me about this. You can talk to me about anything."

Callen nibbled on his bottom lip, considering Sam's words. "You know it's not easy for me to open up about this kind of stuff…"

"I understand that, but it's not good to keep it all bottled up inside you. You ought to talk to someone. If not me, maybe Hetty?"

"Hetty?" Callen shook his head quickly. "I can't talk to Hetty about any of this, Sam…I just can't…"

"Well then, you should talk to me. You know I'm always here for you."

"I do know that, Sam."

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes. Callen was still feeling tired and Sam was just happy to see his partner recovering.

"So what's up with Nate?" Callen finally asked after drinking some more water.

Sam sighed. Nate was one person he really did not want to talk about and he didn't want to upset Callen either.

"What?" Callen asked. "Are you in trouble for beating him up?"

Sam gave Callen a look of surprise. "You saw that?"

Callen smirked. "I know I freaked out, but I wasn't so out of it that I didn't notice that, Sam. I would have had to be deaf and blind not to have. "

Sam shook his head. "I'm not in trouble, G." At least he didn't think he was in trouble. Nate deserved a lot more than what Sam had given to him. "But…Hetty said he'll be suspended for six weeks and then return to active duty."

"Oh…" Callen considered that, but really wasn't all that surprised. "Did you think he was going to go to jail?"

Sam shrugged. "I wouldn't be opposed to that. If you pressed charges..."

Callen shook his head. "That's not happening."

"No. I didn't think you'd do that, but we'd all support you if that's what you want to do, G. Hell, Nate deserves to be punished for what he did to you."

"A lot of people deserve to be punished in this world, Sam. It just doesn't always work out like that."

"People like Pete, you mean?" Sam asked. "He damn well should have been punished."

"He was punished, Sam…" Callen stated quietly. "Not for what he did to me, but eventually he got what he deserved…"

"How do you know that? What happened to him? Why didn't you tell me?" Sam rapidly fired off the questions, one after the other.

Callen gave Sam a long look. "I looked him up. I didn't think you'd be so worked up over it or I would have told you."

"Why wouldn't I be bothered by this?" Sam asked. "Don't you think it hurts me to hear the kinds of things you've gone through, G?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Callen said with a sigh as he dropped his head and stared down at the floor. "That wasn't my intention though." He was starting to feel guilty that he had shared his story with Sam.

"Hey." Sam put his hand under Callen's chin and gently tipped his head upwards so that he was meeting his gaze again. "I told you. I want you to tell me this stuff, G. I want you to talk to me."

"If I'm going to talk to anyone, it will be you, Sam," Callen admitted softly. He sure as hell wasn't going to be talking to any so-called professionals any time soon. Nate had taken care of that.

"Good," Sam nodded in satisfaction. "Now tell me, what happened to Pete?"

"He's in prison for armed robbery and a bunch of other lesser charges. He'll be there for a long time."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that's where he would end up," Sam said. He couldn't help but be glad that Pete was paying for his past misdeeds.

Callen nodded. He was tired of thinking about Pete and the other people and memories which Nate had drudged up for him. He wanted to try to focus on the present and leave those people and places in the past where they belonged. He directed his attention to his partner. "Sam?"

"Yeah G?

"I just want to say thanks for sticking with me the way you have. I know it's been difficult…that I've been a pain in the ass to deal with. Anyhow, I appreciate it. You always look out for me…" He hesitated. "Just like family…"

"You are family," Sam met Callen's eyes. "You're my brother, G…in every way that counts. Don't ever forget it."

"That goes both ways, Sam," Callen said as he looked back at his partner gratefully, the one person he trusted in this world over all others. "Don't you forget it either..."


End file.
